Dear Jenny,
This might sound paranoid, but one can never be too safe. I have this feeling that some kind of shadowy, proxy war has broken out in our house lately. Itโs small, seemingly innocuous things that, when I add them up, suggest something more ominous might be afoot. Itโs coming home every Saturday morning from the farmerโs market, unpacking the loot, and finding two or three large zucchinis staring up at me from the bottom of the bag, zucchinis I was not aware were purchased. (The old Trojan horse strategy.) Itโs telling me, again, how popular the โgreen friesโ post continues to be with DALS readers (so weird!), and asking me, all innocent-like, if we should throw a little zucchini on the pizza tonight before it goes bad. (Classic psy-ops technique.) Itโs standing in the kitchen, and hearing you say, โMmmm, this looks delicious, we have to make this sometime, look,โ only to realize that the recipe youโre pointing to is for something called โzucchini crudo,โ which, upon closer inspection, is really just raw squash, sliced thin, with a little lemon juice drizzled on top. And itโs somehow always managing to say this in front of your little agent provocateurs, who then respond, (as if) on cue, โDaddy hates zucchini!โ
No, Daddy doesย not hate zucchini. Daddy does not have the energy to hate zucchini. Zucchini is not worthy of hate. (Garlic mashed potatoes, on the other handโฆ) Hereโs an attempt to clarify my position, once and for all: I would never willingly choose to eat zucchini. I find zucchini bland. Bland can be okay, but I also find it kind of flaccid and soggy, and itโs that soggy, slightly gelatinous quality, that weird spongy texture, when combined with the blandness, that keeps it from rising even to the level of inoffensiveness. Zucchini, to me, is the Three and a Half Men of vegetables: Can I endure it, if absolutely necessary? Yes, I can. Do I enjoy putting it in my mouth? No, I donโt. Will I swallow it whole in order to get it down because of said mushiness issues? Yes, I will. I mean, have you ever heard anyone take a bite of zucchini, drop the fork, and say, โHoly sh@t, that zucchini is INSANE?โ Because I have not. But, honestly, I feel like youย know this already. Weโve been married thirteen years, and my position vis a vis zucchini has remained steadfast. (About as steadfast as your position on bell peppers and olives, for the record.) Which makes me wonder: why the renewed guerilla campaign? Why all the subterfuge? When you say you love zucchini, and resent that you hardly ever get to eat it anymore because I donโt really like it: what, exactly, do you love about it? Help me out here. I want to know. Or is this, getting back to the proxy war thing, not about zucchini?
Love,
Andy
Dear Andy,
It would be naive of me to think that when we got married, that there would be no trade-offs. I get this. I expected this. It would have been unrealistic of me to think that weโd agree on everything or that I could somehow convince you to agree with me on everything. So when it comes to your hatred of zucchini, I try to stave off my resentment by reminding myself how miraculous it is that a New York girl found aย Virginia boy who grew up loving the Yankees. Iโll take a Yankee fan over a squash lover any day of the week. Even a Yankee fan who keeps forgetting to drag the recycling bin to the curbs on Wednesdays.
But you are not imagining things โ I have been bringing home a lot more squash lately. Youโre also right that itโs not really about the zucchini. Nor is it about waging some sort of proxy war. (Really? Donโt you know by now that when I have something to say I am extremely mature about saying it in an open and direct manner.) My return to zucchini has nothing to do with being resentful over your inability to remember the recycling! Nothing at all.
It has everything to do with where it takes me when I eat it. You know your favorite scene in Ratatouille? The one where the critic Anton Ego takes a bite of the titular dish and it whooshes him back to his childhood dinner table in the French countryside? Thatโs the best way I can explain to you why I canโt just let zucchini drift out of our rotation. And why I requested a big mound of it shredded and sauteed alongside a bowl of skinny buttered egg noodles for my birthday dinner last year. (Thank you for swallowing that dinner whole.) And why when I am home for lunch all by myself, I often fry up a chopped zucchini in olive oil, red pepper flakes, garlic and a light dusting of flour, top with a fried egg, salt and pepper, then eat the whole thing standing up in the middle of the kitchen. Just like I used to in my childhood kitchen in the Southern Westchester countryside.
Itโs not about the flavor or the texture, which Iโll give you is not exactly optimum. Itโs about coming home on a summer night with my pony tail still wet and dripping on to my tennis whites, swinging open the back screen door, and seeing my Mom, apron over her work clothes, sizzling some zucchini spears with olive oil and garlic. And if that doesnโt make sense, perhaps I need to direct you to your own motherโs breaded pork chop recipe ca 1981? The ones you are so sentimental about that you wrote 600 poetic words on them for Bon Appetit? Get it now?
Oh, and one more thing. That zucchini โcrudoโ is more than just thinly shaved zucchini with lemon juice. Thereโs a hefty drizzling of olive oil, some salt, pepper, shaved Parmesan, and a handful of chopped mint. But since I never once ate this now incredibly popular dish as a 12-year-old, I will have to agree with you and sayโฆit is kind of awful. The other night when I polished off the whole platter by myself I did so because I was too proud to admit that you were right. I swallowed every bite whole.
Love,
Jenny
Funny I just made chicken schnitzel nuggets for my kids and the smell and taste took me right back to my childhood!
A favorite summer salad: Shredded zucchini, cubed mozzarella, toasted walnuts, diced tomatoes, basil, balsamic vinegar, all tosses with angel hair pasta, a little salt and plenty of fresh ground pepper.
Ok I will be eating this zucchini-with-egg-on-top VERY SOON!! This looks so great! (I have an Egg Problem ๐ Awesome post!
What does Andy have against garlic mashed potatoes?
I just saw a recipe for Chocolate Zucchini CAKE on Soulemama.com and thought it looked good. I linked to the breaded pork chop recipe post from this and it made me all teary. I donโt know why, really. PMS, maybe? No, just knowing that some day my little boy might have memories like this of me in the kitchen. sniff. Great post.
Meg โ itโs the garlic! In my mashed potatoes!
I should also note that the zucchini-egg number on top of pasta is an exceptionally delicious summer dinner. I am forced to eat it only at lunch by myself because:
-Abby hates Eggs
-Phoebe hates Pasta
-Andy hates Zucchini
But it shouldnโt stop you!
there is a cheesy zucchini pizza recipe out there that has made my summer delicious.
http://www.eatliverun.com/cheesy-zucchini-pizza/
And this is my go-to recipe of every summer:
http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Corn-Zucchini-and-Tomato-Pie-103231
And the Bitten Word guys convinced me on this one:
http://www.thebittenword.com/thebittenword/2011/07/skillet-eggs-with-squash-.html
Hereโs the funny thing: I would generally say Iโm not a zucchini fan. But I love every one of those recipes.
Did you know today is the official โStick a Zucchini on Your Neighborโs Porchโ day? Itโs true! Andy, you have an out.
You guys crack me up..
Iโm with Andy on the zucchiniโฆ.but not the Yankees! ๐
My daughter planted 9 (yes, 9!) zucchini plants for a biology project this summer. We also belong to a CSA, so we are absolutely swimming in zucchini. My family doth protest! Last week I served โZucchini 3 waysโ for dinner: zucchini crudo, zucchini basil soup and zucchini ricotta galette. I said, โpretend you are a fancy restaurant and this is on the chefโs tasting menuโ. They didnโt buy itโฆespecially when I served lemon rosemary zucchini bread for dessert! I am slyly leaving this open on the computer!
This is hysterical, and a situation I think every couple understands. Andy โ my boyfriend loves zucchini, and I actually HAVE heard him say, โThat zucchini is INSANE!โ before. Here is our favorite way to eat the veggie, and maybe you may think differently, too. Itโs very simple: cut them in half length-wise. Poke holes in them, and spread softened butter on them. Grill until theyโre charred, and add pepperjack cheese on top. Weโve also done it with a mix of โItalianโ cheeses, too. Itโs quite fabulous that way. I hope you try it, and enjoy ๐
yaโฆzucchiniโs tough. A fried egg could definitely help, but what couldnโt be helped by a fried egg? This post is hilarious.
1. Cut zucchini lengthwise into thick slices, drizzle with olive oil, and grill until deep brown, sweet and smoky. 2. Shred equal amounts of zucchini and potato, mix with an egg and a bit of flour, and make crispy zucchini-potato pancakes (recipe on rivertreekitchen.com). If those donโt change your mind, I surrender peacefully.
I LOVE roasted zucchini. Itโs my favorite vegetable side dish. ๐
Too funny! Loved the post!
Jennyโmaybe zucchini snickerdoodles could win Andy over!
I am not a zucchini person, and, as much as I try to hide this fact from my children, I am not really a vegetable person at all. However, this is one recipe that made me wish I had MORE zucchini in the house. Seriously!!
http://annies-eats.net/2009/09/15/sauteed-shredded-zucchini/
Garrison Keillor talks about how zucchini time is the only time of the year people in my neck of the woods lock their car doors. My dad has a box full of it labeled โfreeโ at the end of his driveway, which would be more effective if he didnโt live on a cul-de-sac with only five neighbors. And his fried zucchini IS INSANE. Andy, do you hate even the tiny ones? So much better than the big ones. They taste so deliciously green. Mmmmm.
In an attempt to get more veggies in my 3 yo sons diet, I shred/grate an entire zucchini and add it to a full jar of pasta sauce and simmer on low. My son loves it and there is no squishy soggy zucchini ickiness to it. I make this and put it over angel hair pasta about 2x/month. We both love it!
grated with dill and sour cream, chilled
thank each other later
^^you should probably drain it first (soak in salt in a colander)
(I just think itโs funny that people insist on recipes despite your fantastic manifesto.)
This picture inspired to me to make my grandmotherโs recipe for squash and eggs. Saute zucchini and onion in olive oil, simmer in tomato sauce & poach some eggs on top โ and eat with a crusty piece of italian bread! so good!
OMG. I am a Virginia girl who loves zucchini, and grew up on squash casserole (admittedly way fuller of sour cream, butter & croutons than squash), who found a Vermont boy who grew up on canned asparagus and frozen peas (no lie), who (to his credit) likes many many vegetables, but seems to feel EXACTLY the way Andy does about zucchini. I love you guys.
( I often add sauteed matchsticks of zucchini to my spaghetti dinner, sighing as the others happily go without. That lunch looks INSANE!)
I have to agree about the sauted zukes with anything topped with a fried or poached egg! YUM