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The Dinner Doula

By August 9, 2010October 4th, 201116 Comments

Last year I went to lunch with my friend and writer Lori at Samโ€™s, a Jewish Deli in the Garment District. At the time I was her editor at Cookie and the goal of the lunch was to come up with story ideas for the next few issues. She is that friend you just want to follow around with a pad of paper and pencil โ€” sheโ€™s always reading or writing something interesting and Iโ€™m always the one on the other end of the conversation saying things like โ€œโ€ฆand itโ€™s called โ€˜Stuff White People Likeโ€™ or โ€˜Things White People Like?'โ€ or โ€œโ€ฆand you spell Safran Foerโ€ฆhow?โ€ ย She is the friend who sends me the stories in obscure journals and websites that she knows I will love (and that everyone will be talking about). When she sat down at this lunch, though, she looked forlorn. After some small talk, her face turned slightly ashen, she leaned forward and whispered to meโ€ฆ

โ€œCan I confess something to you?โ€

โ€œOf course! Anything! Whatโ€™s the matter?โ€

She went on. โ€œDo you know the one thing that I feel the most guilty about as a mother?โ€

I was a little frightened. She had two kids, at the time ages 5 and 2. What could be so bad?

Too ashamed to look at me, she gazed into her matzoh brei and dropped her bomb. โ€œI have never cooked a meal from scratch for my children.โ€

My first thought was So thatโ€™s how she gets to read the entire New York Times every day! All that psychic energy that I use to think about, shop for, and produce dinner, she channels towardsโ€ฆintellectual pursuits! My second thought, which I vocalized, was โ€œIs that all????โ€

She told me that aside from the occasional homemade scrambled eggs, her kitchen was a virtual shrine to Annieโ€™s Mac & Cheese and her freezer resembled the frozen food aisle of her local Whole Foods. Her husband was the main cook in the house, but wasnโ€™t able to get home from work in time to cook for the kids, who ate on the early end. Her son, the older one, had always been a picky eater, and though her youngest started out well, she was showing signs of following in her brotherโ€™s footsteps. Needless to say, since she is a mother, she blamed herself and her lack of culinary skills entirely for their picky eating.

I wanted to help her. My first thought was to give her some easy recipes that her kids might like. But then it occurred to me that this has nothing to do with the kids. One of my biggest pet peeves in the family food world is reading recipes that say in the lead-in โ€œAnd your kids will love it too!!!โ€ How on earth do they know my kids will love it? Anyone who knows anything about kids knows that no one can really know anything about other peopleโ€™s kids. I find thatโ€™s a rule that often applies to more than food.

No, the problem here was not the picky eating โ€” the problem was that Lori was seeing each plate of pasta and peas as a maternal report card. And in her mind, she was a Straight-F student. It wasnโ€™t the kid that needed help, it was mom. She needed hand-holding, supportโ€ฆand, eventually some information. You know how you hire a Doula to help mom so that mom can help baby? Thatโ€™s what we decided Lori needed. So I became her Doula and we came up with a six-week boot camp program for her. The result, โ€œMy Dinner Doulaโ€ย is in Real Simpleโ€˜s special issue, Family, which I hope youโ€™ll pick up on the newsstand this month. (Itโ€™s a good issue and Iโ€™m not just saying that because I wrote for it.) I also wanted to share with you this sausage-and-apple kebab recipe from the story โ€” her kids didnโ€™t eat it enthusiastically but mom scored a small triumph because it was easy and because she made it with her own two hands. And that was the point.

Sausage and Apple Kebabs

18ย ouncesย fully cooked chicken sausage links or kielbasa (you can find cooked sausage in packages in the meat section of the supermarket)
2ย apples (preferably Fuji or Braeburn, which hold their shape in the oven)
ยผย cupย maple syrup
8ย small wooden skewers, soaked for 15 minutes.

Heat oven to 400ยฐF and line a rimmed baking sheet with foil. Cut the sausage on the diagonal into small chunks. Core and cut the apples into chunks. Thread the sausage and apples on to skewers and place on baking sheet. Brush the skewers with 2 tablespoons of the maple syrup and roast for 10 minutes. Brush with the remaining tablespoons of maple syrup and continue to roast until the apples are tender but still hold their shape, 10 to 15 minutes more.

Photos by Anna Williams for Real Simple.

16 Comments

  • Kathy - Panini Happy says:

    I love the concept of a Dinner Doula โ€“ I should try this with a few of my friends who would love to cook for their kids but are so daunted by the kitchen. Iโ€™ve thrown out a few ideas and approaches that have worked well in our house but maybe a bootcamp is in order! Iโ€™ll test the waters by sharing the Real Simple article. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Avatar becky says:

    How would you prepare this on the grill?

  • Avatar Amanda says:

    What a great friend you are, Jenny. I loved this article! I have had a few friends wonder how I manage to get dinner on the table too and I should really stop saying, โ€œItโ€™s so easy!โ€ because how can it be easy to someone who has never done it before? That just defeats them on the spot and that helpful. I should give them a few recipes instead. Like Gwyneth alluded to, just have a few back pocket recipes that you know and love and it grows from there. And it really does. I rely on my backpocket dinners about once a week and rotate them in and out every few weeks (salmon tacos, teriyaki chicken, etc). What a great article, loved every word! Now if my darn book would just get hereโ€ฆ

  • Jan @ Family Bites says:

    Dinner doula = brilliant idea!

  • Cindy says:

    Well, Iโ€™m pretty sure *my* kids would devour this. We are big fans of the chicken apple sausage with peppers and balsamic.
    The best part about this recipe is I donโ€™t need to print it. Iโ€™ll just do it and the thought required will be minimal. Genius and lovely.
    Thanks again.

  • Avatar Vicki says:

    Love the articleโ€ฆjust got my cookbook in the mail today. The cookbook feels like a โ€œliterary dinner doula.โ€ Canโ€™t wait to start trying it out!

  • Avatar debbie says:

    What a terrific idea! Is that Lori of Indiebride? I spent far too much time on that site back in the dayโ€ฆ

  • Elizabeth says:

    Iโ€™m new to your blog and just love it! Canโ€™t wait to pick up the Real Simple family issue.

  • Avatar Trish O says:

    my book came in the mail today as well. So glad as I am out of ideas (and here it is the best of our farmers market). I dont think my kids will eat this (they have a thing about syrup and meat right now. Not just together just in general. but i will keep on keeping on

  • Avatar Ingrid says:

    OMG โ€“ you are such a rock star. How feasible is it to honestly do this with 2 working parents and a 3 year old? I am feeling more and more optimistic each day thx to you!

  • Avatar Sabrina says:

    Visiting via the Real Simple Family articleโ€ฆso glad I read that today! What a great thing to do for your friend. I have a somewhat picky protein 3 yr. old that Iโ€™m working on and a 7 yr. old that eats like a little foodie. I am a true lover of family dinner time and we eat together every night. I try to make most of the meals as โ€œfrom scratchโ€ as possible and LOVE finding new blogs, like this one, to inspire me. Great work!

  • Mindful Momma says:

    I am SO making those sausage & apple kabobs! Glad to have found your blog โ€“ Iโ€™ll be sharing it with my readers soon!

  • Avatar Michelle says:

    Ran in to TJโ€™s on my way home (5 min).
    Prepped this (10 min).
    Cooked this (20 min).
    Family devoured this (lickety split).

    After my three year old ate a skewer and a half (sans skewer of course), she told me, โ€œMom, youโ€™re such a good cooker.โ€ Soโ€ฆ THANK YOU!

  • Avatar Meal Plan Mom (Brenda) says:

    What a terrific idea! Iโ€™ve often thought of hosting a series of cooking classes for my friends but wasnโ€™t sure how to go about it. They canโ€™t believe that I truly do cook from scratch as much as I doโ€ฆand Iโ€™m usually in the kitchen less than a half hour each night so nothing too bad!

    Love the idea..thanks!

  • Avatar Don't forget the mama says:

    I just had to write and let you know how much I enjoyed this Real Simple article. (Iโ€™m discovering it a bit late.) My four year old has said to me several times, โ€œI like it. Oh wait. I do not.โ€ I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what I could cook for my young children that they would in fact eat. I realized that itโ€™s also really important to cook what I want to eat to stay healthy (physically and mentally) so I transitioned to making that a priority. Whatโ€™s finally starting to happen is they will look up from their Trader Joeโ€™s mac and cheese and say, โ€œHey, can I try the risotto?โ€ I recently made crostini smeared with goat cheese and topped with (garden fresh) cherry tomatoes roasted in garlic, rosemary and olive oil. I had no expectation of them eating any as they had declared on prior occasions their dislike of goat cheese but my two girls succumbed to the aromas and (after scraping off the tomatoes) each consumed about 5 servings with gustoโ€ฆ they then giddily took on the role of assembling some more. Baby steps.

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