..
- Please?
- Try holding your nose.
- See how the fish is pink? Princesses love pink. Salmon is what princesses eat! Itโs princess food! Yay princesses!!!
- If you donโt eat this, I will take the dog for a walk and never come home.
- You know how sometimes a needle is so sharp you donโt even feel it? Thatโs what this chili is like. Itโs so spicy that you wonโt even taste anything.
- Try the swordfish. Itโs like white salmon.
- Try the cauliflower. Itโs like white broccoli.
- Try the tofu. Itโs like white-ish chicken.
- Try eating. Itโs how you survive.
- I went through full labor and then had a C-section in order to bring you into this world. I almost died for you. You owe me.
- If you donโt eat it, then I will. And then Iโll hate myself.
- Donโt you love Daddy?
- Let me ask you one question: Why must you torment me so?
- Itโs lemon sole!!! Isnโt that a fun name? Sole is a fish. You like fish, donโt you? Donโt you love salmon? Well, salmon is also a fish! Sole is like salmonโs cousin, in that they both swim in the ocean. They swim around and are cute. Itโs really good. Itโs even better than salmon! You like fish. Youโll love this. Iย promise. Just think of it as salmon. Or, okay, chicken. It tastes a little like chicken, too. Oh come on, you love chicken. This is breaded and fried, just like the chicken we make. Itโs like that, but even better. Think of it as chicken and salmon mixed together, and you love both of those things, right? Donโt you? You donโt?
- Pretty please?
- If you donโt try this, Santa wonโt come.
- The doctor said you need to eat this.
- Thereโs no more ketchup. Heinz stopped making ketchup last week. It was in all the newspapers. A newspaper is something you read.
- Donโt eat? ย No treat.
- Letโs think about this logically for a minute, okay?
- One bite one bite one bite one bite one bite one bite one bite one bite.
- Remember the Mac and Cheese youย lovedย at that restaurant in Charleston? This is the exact same recipe, from that restaurantโs cookbook, written by the exact same chef who made it for you then. And now Iโm taking his exact instructions and recreating the exact same meal for you right here at your table in New York. How cool is that??
- How do you know you wonโt like it if youโve never tried it? And yeah, I just said that.
- If you try this, weโll talk about getting you that Polly Pocket Cruise Ship Set that will sit on our living room floor like a hideous speed bump for the next five years until I throw it away one day when youโre not looking.
- Letโs play a game: Pretend your life depended on finishing this.
- Quick! Look over there!
- Do you enjoy this? Is that why you do this?
- You like watching your mother cry? Is that it?
- Your sister finished hers.
- You think Tony Stark leaves any kale on his plate?
- You liked it yesterday!?
- You liked it when Aunt Lynn made it for you.
- Your little chicken is lonely and sad and will only be happy when heโs reunited with his potato friends in your stomach.
- Man cannot survive on pasta alone.
- What do you think tomato sauce is made out of?
- Donโt you want to live for a long time?
- Donโt you want to outlive your parents?
- Do you want the dog to get fat? Because she should not be eating this much hamburger meat every night.
- Iโm counting to three.
- I mean five.
- I mean ten.
- I loved this meal when I was a kid.
- I hated this meal when I was a kid.
- Donโt look at it, just eat it.
Photos of Phoebe (!) by Ronnie Andren, circa 2002.
ย
Tears are streaming down my face as I laugh out loud! Brilliant! xo
Iโm dying here. LOVE IT.
Wonder how old were they when you had to say all this?
And greetings and thanks from Russia! Your blog is one of the few Iโve read from your very first post!
LoL.
#45 eating your fish will give you energy so you can run fast at soccer game
#46 if you donโt eat shrimp/halibut/tomato you wonโt grow and will stay small
#dontjudge:-)
I am not a parent but I am thrownโฆ
For toddlers i get it as they cannot understand about effort, try and so on, but for kidsโฆ
I am over 30 and I never heard any of these phrases from my parents, I have a 9 year old half sister and never heard it said to her eitherโฆ
I did hear that if I wasnโt eating iโd get the same thing for the next meal and the next and the next until I was done with my plate.
And it happened, very few timesโฆ Pickiness was not an option.
My brother hated tomatoes and onions, he only got white pasta and was told to stop whining about the onions.
I always taught iโd behave in the same way with my kidsโฆ In my family, at my grand parentsโ generation there were bunches of up to 17 kids ! I guess the moms had no time to take into account the fact that one kid didโnt like somethingโฆ and the attitude just stuck
The only meal that I got out of: the horrible chicken in bechamel that tastes like glue our babysitter made sometimes. So horrible it made us gag when we tried to swallow it. We got a peanut butter voucher for this meal.
But I wonder, am I being super unrealistic about parenting here ? Will I eat a huge brick wall when I have children ?
I meant hit a huge brick wallโฆ not eat lol
You forgot my favoriteโฆโBut YOU asked me to make this for dinner!?!?!?!?!? โ
We used โthis for thatโ oftenโฆkeeping the sweet blueberries within sight but out of reach when our now 6yr old was just starting to get her own opinions (how dare she?!?) about meals. While we dont use the same term, the idea is still the same for her even now.
For when I serve something new (up to about the 10th time I serve it): You donโt have to like it, but you do have to try it.
For when I serve something they have eaten in the past but have now decided they donโt like: You donโt have to like it, but you do have to eat it.
And occasionally: You have to eat a little of everything.
I am trying to stick to these, delivered in my kindest voice (no hair pulling, frothing at the mouth, weeping โ I leave that to the kids).
My husbandโs phrase: SHUT UP and eat it already.
Still working on him.
I have never laughed so much as I did reading this list. I have heard a better part of this list when I was growing up and with a heavy heart I use most of them on my daughter.
@ Babou: All is well when you dont have a picky eater at your hand. And each kid is different and each parent is different with each kid. Dont fret too much about being a parent, you have to learn and unlearn a lot once you are one.
โYou have to learn and unlearn a lotโ once you become a parent. Very well said, Keerthi.
Haha! #9 is amazing
So many of these same phrases have been used in our household. I am astounded at the level of craziness that children inspire in their parents. Yesterday I totally told my daughter that she needed to stop whining about no more soy sauce on the noodles, because if she ate the (relatively) plain noodle it would go join the soy sauce in her stomach and they would have a โbig old party in there.โ
Worked like a charm, she loved the idea of a party in her stomach!
Weโve also told her that she can make hummus in her mouth by chewing chickpeas, and guacamole by chewing avocado slices. This works well unless she wants to check her product by spitting it back onto the plate.
โYouโre breaking my heartโ
Iโm not even a parent and I just laughed so hard over this list, I cried. Nicely done.
My friend used this line on her toddler sons, โItโs your favorite!โ
Try to maintain your Serious Mommy Face when your older son scarfs down his little sisterโs ickyicky broccoli the second your back is turned. It cannot be done! Dessert for everyone.
man, this is WAY better than any homemade pizza kit. print this one now, to frame and post in the dining roomโฆ
man, this is WAY better than any homemade pizza kit. printing this one now, to frame and post in the dining roomโฆ
this is fantastic! i have two year old twins and the negotiating has just recently begun at our house.
as an aside, i wrote a post on my blog today about your cook book and how therapeutic i found it! thanks so much for writing the way you do and sharing it with all of us ๐
I love you and this blog so much, Jenny!! This list made me laugh so hard. xoxo
Iโm not sure what it says about us that I have said an-uncomfortable-number of these things to my picky boyfriend! Iโve found the trick that works best is to disguise the things he doesnโt like in things he does, and wait until he gives a rave review to blow his mind. ๐
Ha ha! New reader coming out of lurkerdom to add my favorite:
โIf you eat it faster, youโll taste it less.โ
This made me die laughing! So hilariousโฆ thanks for such a wonderful post!
You canโt grow up if you donโt eat!
You cannot be a superman if you donโt eat this, you canโt protect your sister!
If you donโt eat, I wonโt let you eat the birthday cake!
If you donโt eat, I wonโt take you to the supermarket anymore
If you donโt try, you never know how tasty it is
โฆ
Sometimes I feel like I have too much experiences when I even donโt have a child ๐